ANXIETY HELL

Cooking is dangerous business and don’t let that perky Rachael Ray fool you with her peppy abbreviations and lack of safety gear. She  may call it E.V.O.O., but I can assure you that acronym is nothing more than a euphemism to cover up what extra virgin olive oil really stands for and that is Evil Villain Of Opthamology. That scalding, splattering oil won’t just fry your Twinkies, zucchini, and delicious roofie cakes for your noisy neighbors, it will fry your eyeballs right out of your skull if you forget to put on your onion goggles. Eyeball safety is no more a joke than Sheriff John Burnell’s warnings about the dangers of mixing driving and showing off. Whenever I’m in the kitchen, which is about every thirty seconds, I make sure I am upholding the kind of high safety standards that would be rather embarrassing if caught on tape, but are not nearly as embarrassing as it would be to have to spend the rest of my life walking around with an empty eye socket due to a rogue oil droplet splatter.  So take my advice, take out your onion goggles, and take cooking seriously.