Wondering if workers at water treatment facilities notice an increase in green sewage the day after St. Patty’s. The compulsion to call and ask is killing me.
Anxiety Activator #35: Double Roasted Salsa
Why couldn’t they roast it right the first time? I don’t understand. Further, I do not understand why they are bragging about their culinary inefficiencies. Listen, Trader Joe’s, I understand you’re all a bunch of hippies who can’t always get it together the first time out, but failure is not a selling point. I am not [...]
Anxiety Activator #34: The Public Restroom Inside of the Del Taco in Costa Mesa on 17th Street
Also, the fact that corporate decided it would be a good idea to bring the shrimp taco back, but not Dan, as in “Dan here, at Del Taco,” via the TV commercials. I suppose I shouldn’t really care, but after witnessing the state of said restroom, I am concerned about Dan’s health.
Anxiety Activator #33: That No One Else Seems to Care about How Mr. Butterworth Feels
I’m eating pancakes and feeling guilty after peeling Mrs. Butterworth’s label off. I wonder if Mr. Butterworth knows his wife doesn’t wear panties, the dirty whore. I’ll bet Aunt Jemima’s doesn’t go around town without underwear on. Then again, I’d bet money that Uncle Jemima likes it kinky. Uncles.
Anxiety Activator #32: This Season’s Finale of The Bachelor
(My former journalism professors would be so proud of me for that headline.) Let’s begin with a question that has been plaguing me all night and into this morning: When did The Bachelor turn into Springer? And if you’re going to make a major change like that, ABC, at least give your loyal [...]
