Fucking alpacas, man. What could be cuter? That was rhetorical, but now I find myself answering the question. Inner monologue: I know what could be cuter than alpacas, little alpaca fetuses in the womb like that NatGeo special Oprah is always promoting, even though they just have lame ass elephants swaddled in placenta juice and no alpaca zygotes. It’s kind of ridic how tender the goddamn alpacas are with their little humming sounds and their projectile saliva. I just want to pinch their yarn-covered cheeks and nuzzle them in their facial regions.
If anyone knows of a high class alpaca ranch in the SoCal area please leave a comment. I’m kinda in the market for at least one female alpaca, but Big Mama’s got to be show quality. Non of that imitation llama crap and don’t send me to some toddler populated petting zoo, either.
I mean to say that I want to visit a premiere breeding ground for the finest, most sexy alpaca specimens. And don’t write me any hate mail saying, “You can’t get an alpaca at your tiny beach apartment! Where will it graze?” or “You cannot afford an alpaca. Do you have any idea how much it costs to feed and dress an alpaca?” or “You can’t get an alpaca after your bestiality conviction.” Silence! I’m not buying the freaking alpaca to put on my balcony, dummy. I just want to put one on layaway or something until I have a yard. Jesus, what kind of messed up pet owner do you think I am?!
Oh, look at YOU with your little matching beard and toupee set!
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Makes perfect sense to me. Layaway pets. The pet you dream about. A pet to put its photo on your work desk. And yet- no pet poop to clean up. Perfection.
I <3 alpacas too.
We can do an Alpaca time-share thing k?
Haha! I love it:) Yes, I agree we should probably time share it. Joint custody alpaca duty is the way to go, though I do worry about the psychological trauma it will inflict on our show quality South American camelid. Stress can really do a number on alpaca fur. Also, I have a feeling you have more grazing space for Big Mama. She’s totally going to like you better. Dang it! We’ll have to go dutch on the therapy bills.
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