Anxiety Activator #46: 24 Hour Fitness’s Sadistic Insistence upon Covering their Gyms’ Walls with Reflective Surfaces

While torturing myself on the elliptical machine today, I became overwhelmed by embarrassment upon noting my sweaty face had turned the color one would expect to see on an albino who’d fallen asleep in a tanning bed for a week.

I thought to myself, “Self, this is just wrong. You should go home and put some ice on that shiznit, maybe a bag of frozen peas, anything to cool your face down so it stops scaring the elderly and small children.”

But then it hit me like Ike Turner after one too many brewskies. My bright red face could be incredibly convenient next time I get invited to an Angels game. If I just workout first, I’ll only have to paint my belly red. I am going to save so much money on face paint!

Thanks, Power of Positive Thinking!

not-so-smart2

Couldn’t find a tanning albino photo. Shocking, I know. So I went with the dude sporting a pornstache who thinks it’s a brilliant idea to convert a tanning bed into a couch.

“Seemed like a good idea till my ass turned crispier than a rodent on a spit. Heh-yuh! Honey, git out the couch and fetch me ’nother Pabst.”