Yesterday as I sped to meet a girlfriend for coffee, I noticed something moving near the top of my vision. At first I thought it was just a huge eye floater, which bothered me, but did not freak me out nearly as much as when it swooped down and hit me in the face. At this [...]
Anxiety Activator #60: Miss Cleo’s Weapon-Filled Turbanry
Finally my horoscope is wrong for once. I swear, it was really starting to freak me out. Though I don’t know what’s worse, when it’s so accurate every day that I swear Miss Cleo is perched in a tree outside my window with a monocular or when the only thing canceling out her prediction of [...]
Anxiety Activator #59: When You’re so Exhausted you Pull on a Pair of Skinny Jeans that are so Tight you have a Clearly Delineated Camel Toe and you just Shrug at your Reflection and Decide to Leave the House Anyway
Then you get to Costco and notice Danny DeVito’s twin, not his Arnold twin, but his doppelganger checking out your crotch in the frozen foods section. You stare back, too tired to do much of anything. You tell yourself you can’t really get mad; it’s at his eye level after all. Your cell phone rings. [...]
