While waiting in line at Ralph’s last week, something hellacious distracted me from my surreptitious attempts to read The Enquirer’s headlines about Kirsty Alley’s ass cellulite. The checker passed a palm-sized cutout of a shamrock to the philanthropist in front of me, who was now not only making my ice cream melt so she could [...]
Anxiety Activators 64, 65, and 66: The Mystery Guest Trapped in my Heater, WebMD, and Water Poisoning
I awoke this morning to the pleasant sounds of some small animal dying a claustrophobic death in our wall heater, and the uncharacteristic urge to do something healthy today. Perhaps the frantic clawing noises echoing through the hallway reminded me life is short; then again it was probably just my morbid disposition that did that. [...]
Anxiety Alleviator #20: Craigslist’s Rants and Raves
As I was typing in my ad for my missed connection with an alpaca just now, I noticed the Rants and Raves section on Craigslist. It’s been a while since I’ve checked out the sweet lunacy that is so many peoples’ disproportionate amounts of rage directed at inanimate objects, institutions, and people who will never [...]
Anxiety Activator #63: The Top Search Terms Driving Traffic to my Blog
Seeing as how I’m aware that many of my interests are categorically eccentric, and that I know my writing reflects this, it shouldn’t shock me that I have some pretty idiosyncratic readers. Yet I must admit I felt a tad surprised today when I glanced at the list of search terms people are using to wind up [...]
Anxiety Activator #62: The Iselts of Langerhans
I was pretty excited about my upcoming vacation…until I learned the iselts of Langerhans are a group of cells located in the pancreas. You disgust me, Travelocity.
