Yesterday as I sped to meet a girlfriend for coffee, I noticed something moving near the top of my vision. At first I thought it was just a huge eye floater, which bothered me, but did not freak me out nearly as much as when it swooped down and hit me in the face. At this [...]
February 25, 2010
Categories: Anxiety Activators, Freakish Animals, Pet Peeves . . Author: anxietyhell . Comments: 3 Comments
Nothing creeps me out more than these tiny floating testaments to Satan’s existence. They are prehistoric, and creepy, and amputated of all their hooves. I do not approve of their little curled up stump, their little unileg, their sick miniature merman tail. It’s disgusting and begs so many disgusting questions. How do they bone? How [...]
April 21, 2009
Categories: Anxiety Activators, Freakish Animals . . Author: anxietyhell . Comments: 1 Comment
Fucking alpacas, man. What could be cuter? That was rhetorical, but now I find myself answering the question. Inner monologue: I know what could be cuter than alpacas, little alpaca fetuses in the womb like that NatGeo special Oprah is always promoting, even though they just have lame ass elephants swaddled in placenta juice and [...]
April 14, 2009
Categories: Anxiety Alleviators, Freakish Animals, Most Popular . . Author: anxietyhell . Comments: 5 Comments
I don’t think we even need to discuss this one. But if we did need to, I would point out Exhibit A: Birds Are Not Supposed to Talk. Ever. Not even in Hollywood blockbusters like Beverly Hills Bald Eagle. Ooo, that would be a good porn name spin on that stupid chihuahua movie that also [...]
January 22, 2009
Categories: Anxiety Activators, Freakish Animals . . Author: anxietyhell . Comments: 1 Comment
It’s after one-thirty in the morning and as I was about to commence my nightly ritual of taking my Ambien and watching Raccoon Attack on NatGeo, I happened to glance down the side of the two liter jug of root beer I was swilling. There, on the faux-wooden barrel label, that ominous little exclamation [...]
January 19, 2009
Categories: Anxiety Activators, Freakish Animals, Most Popular . . Author: anxietyhell . Comments: 1 Comment
