I cannot WAIT to sit down at the table and look my grandparents in their faces while I hold up my Tofurky in both hands like an offering. Then, when they refuse to partake, I will violently decapitate my dinner with the teeth guillotine known as my mouth. They’ll gasp, but I’ll just keep chewing [...]
Anxiety Activator #51: The Horseshoe-Shaped Toilet Seat at the Crowne Plaza That Tried to Gouge my Eye Out
As anyone who knows me well can attest, I have no greater phobia in life than that of losing either one or two of my eyes. I spend a lot of time gasping, cringing, and breaking out in hives over imagining freak skull socket gouging accidents. Typically, my screaming internal monologue on the perils of [...]
