It’s after one-thirty in the morning and as I was about to commence my nightly ritual of taking my Ambien and watching Raccoon Attack on NatGeo, I happened to glance down the side of the two liter jug of root beer I was swilling. There, on the faux-wooden barrel label, that ominous little exclamation mark [...]
Infrequently Answered Question # 4: How Many Babies per 1,000 are Born Hermies?
When in a pinch and seeking to get something done through the age-old art of bribery, I often find myself offering up my first-born hermaphrodite. I’ve yet to procreate and truthfully have no desire to, but I’m aware that if I don’t get busy soon, I could be facing a class action lawsuit filed by [...]
Infrequently Answered Question # 3: Does anyone take Stallone seriously?
Yes. Frank Stallone is a respected recording artist who contributed to the best album I’ve ever found in a ninety-nine cent bin. The unprecedented coupling of rapid machine gun fire layered soothingly over a musical score makes a calming soundtrack for parties or just relaxing in a nice hot bath.
Infrequently Answered Question #2: Is the 2008 Oscar Best Picture Nominee, There Will Be Blood, the full length feature film version of the aforementioned female coming of age story?
No. Sadly, There Will Be Blood is about the corrupting effects of greed and vanity on the human psyche and the ability of money to magnify peoples’ negative inclinations. Making up for the lack of a menstrual-based plot is the fact that one member of the greatest band of all time, guitar genius Johnny Greenwood [...]
