“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.” 

“I pulled in to a rest area with smoke coming from under the hood. I realized the car was on fire, so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.” 

“When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.” 

Ever since Bill discovered steroids he's been finding more and more creative ways to build muscle.

In another few years he'll be ready to take up major league baseball.

For now, however, he's enjoying working on getting the Car Shot Put event recognized by the 2012 Olympic committee.

 

“The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.”

Um, yeah, officer. I saw the man who hit me. Though not nearly as well as he saw me. He was Pacific Islander, mustachioed, had dark hair, oh, and THREE EYES!

It’s always the damn multitasking Triclopses. Every time! I swear I’m going to start riding the bus.